Case 381: Farewell My Lovely Cat

It was December in Peebles. A light sleet was falling across my window and down on to the busy High Street below me. Across the road the bright lights from Greggs fell across the pavement and I wondered if I could make it across the road for a coffee and a sausage roll without getting drenched, but then I saw the lunchtime queue of Peebles High School uniforms stretching down the street and I decided to stay in the office.

My landlady had been on the phone threatening to cut off the heating if I didn’t pay last month’s rent by Friday. I put my hand on the ancient radiator behind my desk and decided it wouldn’t make a lot of difference. I was about to retrieve a left-over half-doughnut from the back of my desk drawer when I heard the sound of high heels coming up the stairs and across the landing towards my office.

I stubbed out my cigarette and straightened up some papers on my desk as I heard a knock at the door.

Come in; the door’s open!

Mr Barr?  The private detective?

She was tall, she was blonde, and her dress was so tight I could read the laundry instructions on her underwear. They said “gently hand wash in luke warm water”.
I could picture the soapy water running softly down her arms and between my fingers as I..

Mr Barr?

Er.. yes.. sorry, I was distracted. Do take a seat. Pleased to meet you, Miss--?

Harper. Julia Harper.

Pleased to meet you Miss Harper. 

She sat down opposite me and lifted an elegant black leather handbag on to her elegant white knee. From the top of the handbag there appeared the face and head of a small tortoiseshell cat.

What can I do for you, Miss Harper?

Mr Barr, I understand you’ll look into unusual matters. Strange occurrences and odd events, that sort of thing.

It tends to be missing persons and wayward husbands these days, Miss Harper, but if there’s a case and a fee attached I’ll usually take the job. What’s on your mind?

It’s my cat, Mrs Tinkles. She’s a beautiful creature with the cutest face, but she hasn’t appeared for two years running, and I think there’s something strange going on.

Your cat? But isn’t that your cat right there in your handbag?

Yes, that’s right. Isn’t she beautiful?

Well, I’m not really a cat person, Miss Harper but…

The thing is, Mr Barr, I’ve sent in her photo two years running and I’ve not even had an acknowledgement. Whenever I go up there, there’s nobody about and the door is locked. I wrote a letter but, again, no reply. All those pictures appear week after week, but never my pretty pussy.

Never your.. ah, I see. Well, okay, look I’m going to need some more information here Miss Harper. You’ve been sending photos of your.. your…

my cat, Mrs Tinkles

Yes, your cat, Mrs Tinkles, to where exactly?

Well, the Peeblesshire News, of course.

The Peeblesshire News?

Yes, the Peeblesshire News. 

The Peeblesshire News…

To the annual Pet Idol competition in the Peeblesshire News.

The Pet Idol competition in the Peeblesshire News? I’m not familiar…

You must have seen the pictures, Mr Barr. Pages and pages of cats and dogs and rabbits, and even sheep and parakeets.

I have indeed, Miss Harper. I tend to wrap the potato peelings in them. So that’s a competition is it? But what seems to be the problem with the Pet Idol competition?

I’ve sent pictures of Mrs Tinkles in to the Peeblesshire News Pet Idol competition two years running, Mr Barr, but she hasn’t been entered either time. When I call the Peeblesshire News there’s no reply, and when I go to the office it’s always closed. 

 I see. But what do you want me to..

The thing is Mr Barr, I spoke to my neighbour the other day, and she’s had exactly the same experience. And not only that, when she complained about it on the Peebles W4 social media site she found ten other people whose pet photos hadn’t appeared in the paper. 

Ah, that does start to sound odd.

And then she was suddenly blocked from W4 and all her posts were deleted. I want you to investigate, Mr Barr. Can you do that?

 I can’t promise anything, Miss Harper, but I’ll look into it. 

Thank you Mr Barr. It means a lot to me, and to Mrs Tinkles.

 It’s cash up front, and expenses are extra, Miss Harper.

Of course.

She slowly loosened the top button of her dress and slipped her hand down inside, then extracted a tight roll of twenty pound notes. She peeled off half a dozen and handed them over. They were still warm.

Will this do for the moment, Mr Barr?

It’s plenty to be going along with Miss Harper. Don’t you worry, I’ll look into this business and find out what’s going on.

Thank you. Call me, won’t you, when you have news? Here’s my card.

And with that, she was gone. I headed out down to the street to visit a lawyer friend of mine. Hamish has his ear to the ground and if something was going on at the Peeblesshire News, he’d know about it.