Case 92: Bike Love

It was another Wednesday morning and I was on my third coffee of the day. I’d been to see the new Murder on the Orient Express film and had been trying to grow a thick luxurious moustache, but it wasn’t going well. My landlady had been on the phone wanting last month’s rent and threatening to change the locks if I didn’t pay up.

It was raining outside; it’s always raining these days. I was looking out across the street, and wondering if I could make it over to Gregg’s without getting drenched, when I heard the sound of high heels coming up the stairs and across the landing towards my office door. 

 I stubbed out my cigarette and straightened up some papers on my desk. There was a knock on the door.

Come in; the door’s open!

Mr Barr?  The private detective?

She was tall, she was blonde, and she wore a red dress that seemed to defy the laws of physics; it hugged every contour so tightly I was amazed she could breathe. The last time I saw anything wrapped like that was when I ordered a shrink-wrapped dressed salmon from Dougal’s fish merchant’s, but she looked altogether more tasty. She had buttons that went all the way down and most of the way up. I thought one of them might hit me in the eye when she sat down but everything seemed to stay in place. 

Do you have a light?

She took out a cigarette holder almost as long as my umbrella and held it out. I leaned over and lit the tip with my 1936 silver Zippo. She took a long drag and blew several lazy smoke rings towards the ceiling. 

Mr Barr, I’m told you’ll look into things, even small cases that the police won’t bother with?

Well, it’s true things have been a bit slow around here. If there’s a case and a fee attached, I’ll usually take the job. What’s the problem, Miss..?

I should have introduced myself. I’m Carmen Bannister.

Pleased to meet you Miss Bannister. So, what can I do for you?

My bicycle’s been stolen, Mr Barr. 

Your bicycle?

Yes, you see I do a lot of mountain biking. I’ve won several awards. I only buy the very best equipment. My all-over lycra body suit was tailor-made to reduce friction. It’s smooth as silk and fits me like a glove. Anyway, the bike..…Mr Barr?

Er.. I’m sorry I was distracted momentarily Miss Bannister. You were saying..?

The bike was a top-of-the-range machine. I bought it locally and it’s worth a great deal of money.

Lots of bikes being stolen in Peebles just now, Miss Bannister. To be honest, I think you’d be better spending the money buying a replacement. Not much chance of finding a stolen bike around here.

That’s what the police told me, but I thought you were different. You see, this is my third bike to be stolen in the past year, and each from a different place. I think I’m being targeted, Mr Barr.

Your third bike in a year?  Mmm, that is unlucky. And maybe you are being targeted. Look Miss Bannister, I can’t promise anything but I’ll look into it. 

Thank you Mr Barr. You don’t know what this means to me. 

It’s cash up front and expenses are extra, Miss Bannister.

Of course

She slowly loosened the top button of her dress and slipped her hand down inside, then extracted a roll of twenty pound notes. She peeled off half a dozen and handed them over. They were still warm.

Will this be enough?

Plenty, thanks Miss Bannister

Call me, Mr Barr, day or night.

I will.

And with that, she was gone. I headed out down the street to visit a lawyer friend of mine. Hamish has his ear to the ground and if anybody was dealing in high-end stolen bikes, he’d know about it.